What's Wrong With Demons?
by SSTR87
Summary: Okay, so I've finally come up with a Sazan Eyes and Naruto crossover that I like. Light-hearted to a degree, Naruto raised by a Holy Demon, Ninja World within Konlon (Sanjiyan Holy Land). Pairing is NarutoxAnko Wu will be Anko, Sasuke and Haku


She honestly couldn't say how long it had been since striking out on her own. Her search for becoming human had fallen to naught. For a time Pai had tried to just act as a normal human and even made friends her own physical age, but eventually they grew up and became old, falling to withered husks and dust.

With a tired sigh, Pai looked up, her walking stick clutched tightly in her hands and a heavy pelt cloth draped over her shoulders. She certainly looked the part of a wanderer, a drifter. "What will I do now," she asked aloud as she shuffled her bare, dirty feet like a toddler.

The sounds of crying made its way to her demonic ears as she walked through the woods. Normally she shied away from humans, which didn't help the girl in finding a cure for her condition, however, being bored and having no direction in life, Pai made her way towards the noise.

It was only a few steps for her to walk, but she swiftly found herself standing on the edge of a great battlefield with only three survivors that she could see, each lying the center of a clearing. Having already come this far, she took the final few steps and was better able to see the bodies.

A young woman with amazing scarlet hair splayed around her like an angelic halo had a gaping hole through her belly, blood that was now dry and crusted ran lines from her mouth and nose and the woman's pretty green dress was ruined now. Cradled in the woman's arms was an infant, maybe a day in age at her guess with sunny blonde hair and six birthmarks that looked like whiskers framing his cherub face. On the other side, holding both the woman and baby was a blonde man that the baby took after greatly. He was dressed in green pants, a green shirt and a white coat. Like the woman before there was a gaping hole through his chest and tracks of dried, crusted blood leading from his mouth and nose.

Not really being squeamish or all that concerned about dead humans, Pai plucked the boy from the grasp of his parents and tickled his little nose, earning a giggle noise.

"I will become a mother," she cheered while thrusting her arms forward and smiling at the laughing baby.

As the woman was making the declaration a group of three ninja arrived with light rustling. "Where's the demon?!" Hiruzen called to the young girl holding a small baby. Having been away from the village he had been slow to respond, but now he was the only surviving senior ninja aside Koharu and Homura who were at his side.

Pai looked over at the three with a bright and sunny smile as she coddled the infant to her cheek. "This one is a demon," she informed while pointing to herself.

Hiruzen blinked at the words. They were spoken in an archaic dialect and used a pronoun he wasn't really familiar with. "I'm sorry. I meant the most powerful demon," he explained using the same dialect. His eyes furrowed as he checked the spoken words in his head trying to be certain he said it correctly.

Pai's eyes sparkled at the man using her native language and she rushed towards the three in joy. "That one speaks! That one speaks!" she praised while clapping her hands, the baby between her arms as she did so.

Koharu narrowed her aged eyes dangerously while Homura fingered a kunai in case the girl intended harm.

Hiruzen eyed the girl with curiosity. "Did you see who caused this mess?" he tried, speaking slowly.

Pai nodded her head as she kissed the child's forehead. "This one seen. Big magic fox used Barasuvidah(sp?)," she explained while pointing a hand as an example. "This one stayed away. Too many humans. This one is mother now," she added the last bit far too cheerfully at having claimed to witness a battle involving the Kyuubi.

"This is your child?" Hiruzen asked cautiously. When the girl nodded he pressed on. "What of these two? Where is the baby?"

Pai scratches her head, not quite understanding. "This one must go now. Baby needs energy," she offered patting the blonde child.

Hiruzen nodded with a frown marring his face. "Would you come with us? Our village is nearby. We can give 'energy' to the baby there," he offered while putting on a kind face. He suspected the infant was Naruto, the child of Kushina and Minato, but could not confirm it yet.

With a soft smile Pai nodded. "Will this one have a barn?" she inquired innocently, earning a couple of snickers from Hiruzen's teammates.

The aged man ran a hand through his hair. "That remains to be seen," he offered.

Not really having a direction to go and now blessed with a bundle of life, Pai exuberantly followed behind the old man.

OoOoOoOoO

Two Worlds

Chapter 1

OoOoOoOoO

A beautiful little boy bounded from rooftop to rooftop while grinning widely and enjoying the wind through his hair. His orange jumpsuit ruffled as the wind passed him and the set of goggles on his forehead bounced the light of the sun in all directions.

"NOT!" Naruto called out as he spun around to blow a raspberry as his pursuing mother, the self-proclaimed Holy Demon.

Pai giggled while chasing her son, her appearance not having changed in the least over the last thirteen years, continuing to look around the age of 18 or 19. She moved with an unparalleled ease in spite of the orange on brown, autumn leaves colored, kimono she was wearing. At present, her third eye was open, prominently centered in her forehead. "Mommy's gonna gobble you up! Ufufu," she taunted the young boy as she gained on him.

Naruto flipped while airborne and tugged at the edges of his eyes and lips. "You're way too slow, Okaachan," he teased as she shot past him from below.

"Hey, who's slow?" Pai shouted as she rebounded in thin air to catch Naruto from behind. The blonde boy laughed heartily as she nuzzled into his neck.

"Ah, no fair! You won't teach me any of your magic!" Naruto challenged as the two dropped to the ground, him still clutched by his adoring mother.

"Ufufu... You wanna learn Sanjiyan magic, eh?" she asked with a cute giggle.

Several young men looked over at the young mother and glared with unbridled anger. Long ago the rumor started that she was the Kyuubi alongside the rumor that she killed Minato and Kushina then stole the baby. Neither rumor was true, but having Pai merrily confess to being a demon was damning enough on its own

Naruto nodded firmly, his innocent eyes pinning those of his mother's with exuberance. "Hell yeah! Teach me, teach me!"

"Oooh, my little Naruto is just so cute~!" Pai cheered openly and kissed the boy in the forehead.

"Ew! Cut it out, mom! Will ya," Naruto whined while rubbing the spot he was kissed. "What about the training?!"

Pai released the boy with an adoring smile and ruffled his hair as she began to walk towards a restaurant. "Let's go to Floral Arrangement for yakiniku," she addressed with a fond smile.

Naruto frowned as he ran along behind her. "You mean Cross-dresser, mom," he called out with a disgusted face.(1)

Pai nodded with a proud smile as she turned around to look at Naruto, continuing her path backwards. "If you don't hurry, they will be closed," Pai pointed as her third eye closed. "Yakiniku! Yakiniku," the girl cheered out while pumping a fist in the air.

Naruto deadpanned as he raced up to the human aspect of his mother. "Awww I hate it when she gets you all excited, mom... Yakiniku isn't that big a deal, not like ramen," he pointed out with a glow to his eyes.

Pai giggled as she pulled her son along into the restaurant that showcased transvestites and cross-dressers, men dressed like women. Surprisingly, the place was a huge success in the village.

Taking a seat, Pai waited excitedly, bouncing in her plush leather couch while Naruto looked bored.

"Oh ho, look what the cat's dragged in," called out an amorous, young kunoichi as she slid into the seat beside Naruto. Anko Mitarashi, Tokubetsu Jounin of the Leaf, sent the blonde boy a saucy wink that made him blush. "Pai, Naruto, my two favorite customers," she cheered loudly.

Several patrons looked up at the outburst before returning to their meals, happy to have a private place to unwind. Unlike the more uppity places that put on airs about not allowing 'demons' to eat there, this place held a certain dogma being that the staff were all males who looked the part of a female with the sole exception of the owner.

Pai grinned merrily as she leaned over the table to hug Anko. "I couldn't hold out any longer! Too much ramen ruins the taste buds," she teased at Naruto who crossed his arms petulantly.

"There's no such thing, Okaachan! Hiya, Anko-san," he addressed the older woman.

"Ahem," came a soft grunt as Asuma approached the table with a menu - dressed in a frilly pink dress that ended mid-thigh, a white blouse beneath the dress, matching white tube socks that went to where the skirt ended and soft white shinobi sandals. The strangest sight about the Jounin was his clean shaven face with the perfect amount of blush, eyeliner and lipstick to look overly cute.

"Oh, you have a new waitress! She's so cute!" Pai cheered out making Asuma blush to his toes.

Anko snickered at the man's visible reaction. "She's actually on loan. Lost a bet with me so she's gotta work here for a month," the proprietor informed.

Naruto snickered behind a hand while his eyes twinkled. He didn't know the man, much like most ninja, Asuma preferred to stay private outside of work, but Naruto thought anyone who placed a bet against Anko got what he or she deserved.

The noise didn't go unnoticed by either woman as they two sent Naruto a tight look. "I hear you're at the bottom of the class, Naruto-kun," Anko pointed out as she snapped her fingers at the bartender. The young tranny nodded and flung a bottle of sake at her.

Naruto frowned and looked at the table in front of him. "Those grades don't matter! I'm a better ninja than everyone in the school!" he shouted boisterously.

"Easy, brat," Anko chided as her customers frowned before returning to their meals and company. "Why haven't you come to your dear wife-to-be Anko-chan for advice," the woman asked with an upraised eyebrow.

Naruto shrugged and looked away, propping his elbow on the table and setting his chin in his palm. "Mizuki-sensei said if any students ask a Jounin for help they'll be expelled," he pointed out glumly.

Anko narrowed her eyes a moment. "I... see," she cautiously accepted. "In that case, it's a good thing I'm not a Jounin," she pointed out with a smirk.

Before Naruto could say anything Asuma returned. "Are you ready to place your order?" he asked sweetly while using the female dialect which sounded really strange coming from his deep voice.

Naruto nodded as he called out "Naruto Special for me!"

Anko slapped her face. She really needed to get rid of that hidden menu item...

"Yakiniku for this one!" Pai cheered falling into her old manner of speech in her joy. The beautiful smile on her face perfectly mirrored Naruto's own.

Asuma smiled down at the pair and wrote out the order. "Anything for you, Boss?" he asked warmly.

Anko shook her head and he was away swiftly.

"So what day is graduation exams?" Anko pressed as she draped herself over the little blonde boy.

Naruto shuffled a bit to adjust for the added weight before answering. "A few days now."

Anko smiled softly. "Tell you what brat, if you graduate with my help and make it past the bottom rank, you can work here for a month as payment," she cheerfully offered.

Pai smiled and kissed the boy's forehead. "I'll even pay for a year supply of ramen for you!"

Naruto's eyes widened and sparked in joy.

'Pai, you don't really want to see him graduate do you? Ninja don't tend to live very long,' her Sanjiyan self pointed out.

'Then maybe you should start training him in Sanjiyan magic?' she pointed out with a hint of malice in her thoughts. If she had any access to the magic or knowledge involved Pai would have started teaching Naruto years ago!

'I'll make a deal with you. I hate ninja even more than I hate normal humans-' Parvati began.

'Except Naruto-chan!' Pai helpfully interjected.

'Yes, except Naruto-chan. If he fails this graduation exam then I'll start teaching him Sanjiyan magic. If he graduates I'll help him study to be a better ninja.'

Pai's sudden grin was attributed to the yakiniku that she bit down into. Little did either personality know what the future held in store for them.

***line break***

The week went by roughly with Anko hammering the basics of academia and physical arts into Naruto. Pai and Parvati were both useless in this training as neither were ninja and neither used hand to hand combat over the millennia of drifting around away from the humans.

But that was neither here nor now. Pai sent a worried look to Anko as the pair leaped through the trees of the village. "Are you sure he was the one that stole the scroll?" Pai asked, begging for a different answer than the last three times she asked.

Anko nodded with a sick look on her face. "A dozen ANBU witnessed him enter and leave with the scroll."

"Why didn't anyone stop him there? That seems kind of strange," Pai pointed out.

Anko frowned as she did not actually consider the point. "I don't know yet, but I'll get to the bottom of it as soon as we find Naruto..."

"I don't understand how he could have failed in the first place," Pai pointed out as she looked at Anko's back, the slightly taller kunoichi leading the way.

"Yeah... It's not like Naruto to get stage fright-" suddenly Anko drew to a halt and caught Pai before she could pass.

"-kick your ass!" It was a declaration made in extreme anger by Naruto. The sound of hundreds of small explosions rang out, spurring the concerned women forward a bit further.

"AHHHH!" screamed some man or woman. Neither Anko nor Pai knew who.

Pai's third eye opened and she sent a three eyed glare at Anko. "If anything happens to my son, I'll end you, Anko," Parvati threatened hotly before Anko vanished in a whirlwind of leaves.

The third eye closed and Pai once more took to running through the trees as fast as her body would take her. "Please be okay, Naruto-chan," she whispered below her breath.

The scene Pai came upon was three hundred Naruto clones beating the life out of Mizuki, one of the Academy instructors while Anko checked the vitals of Iruka. Her sweet little boy had the eyes of a bloodthirsty human, far more terrifying than those belonging to a demon.

Mizuki never stood a chance against such a large number, especially as Anko had just refined his Taijutsu! The man was a swollen mess and couldn't spare the effort to beg for his life as clone after clone stomped, kicked and punched the man relentlessly.

"Naruto-chan," Pai called out making all the clones turn to face her, his eyes softening before growing harsh again.

"I'll kill him! He deserves to die!" Naruto shouted just as Hiruzen and a team of ANBU arrived on scene.

"That's enough, Naruto-kun," the Hokage addressed softly, his hand landing on the blonde's shoulder. "Boar take Mizuki into custody. Badger see to Iruka," he commanded while leading Naruto over to his mother and Anko.

"Hokage-sama," Anko addressed while stooping to the ground.

Hiruzen ignored the woman in favor of speaking with Pai. "It would seem your son has learned more today than he bargained for. Mizuki and Iruka have filled him in on his burden in the worst manner."

Pai frowned as she looked at the old man. "Parvati already told our son. He's known since he was five years old all about that day," she afforded with little concern for the glare sent her way by the Hokage.

"I told you that it was a village secret and not to be told to anyone, especially Naruto," he pointed out with his age showing in his eyes.

Parvati asserted her dominance and opened her third eye while glaring the aged ninja down. "Never presume to lecture me, human," she asserted fiercely. "You should be honored that I stopped killing your monkeys when you begged it of me. My son will not live as the village's fool - not knowing why your 'loyal' citizens glare openly at him and refuse to let him in their shops."

Hiruzen swallowed around a lump in his throat. His partner, Goku, still refused his summons after the last time he had an argument with Queen of Demons. Who knew summons were under her domain?

"Listen, that's not what I meant by the law I passed. I just wanted Naruto-kun to have a happy childhood," he pointed out as he took off his hat and tucked it under an arm while he lowered his head in deference.

Naruto watched the exchange in a bit of confusion. Why was the Hokage bowing to his mother? He was supposed to be the strongest ninja in the village!

Anko coughed politely and took Naruto by the shoulders. "Come on, brat. Why don't you let the adults talk and you can show me some super awesome jutsu you learned from that old dusty scroll," she offered casually.

Naruto nodded and his face changed to excitement. "Yeah! But I only learned the one technique!"

While the two moved away Parvati released a breath. "What did Mizuki tell him?"

Hiruzen wiped at his brow before answering. "That you are the Kyuubi who killed his real parents and that you kidnapped him as a baby," he informed.

Parvati shook her head. "Where did that rumor start from anyway? Only you and your advisors were there to see the scene," she pondered aloud, not really expecting an answer.

The aged man had no answer and thus remained silent.

"So... Ufufu... Are you up to fooling around?" the demon asked as she wrapped her arms around the taller ninja, slipping to his back and biting into his neck.

Hiruzen shivered and blushed across his face while the ANBU pretended they saw nothing. After all who would believe the old Sandaime had the attention of Konoha's ageless beauty?

Hiruzen coughed lightly. "I'm getting to be too old for you, my love," he pointed out as his weathered hands traced along the young fingers of the Sanjiyan.

"You can always fix that problem, my cute monkey boy," Parvati cooed. "Let me make you a demon, or become a sage on your own. Goku would love to call you brother," she added with a little purr while kissing the elderly man's neck.

Hiruzen coughed softly as he chuckled. "There's a natural order to things you know. Humans should live and die young, not become immortal," he chided as he moved away from the three eyed Holy Demon.

Parvati rolled her eyes. "That wasn't always the way," she addressed while closing the third eye and leaving Pai behind.

"So what about Naruto-kun? It's his dream to become Hokage!" she asked while chewing on her lower lip.

Hiruzen nodded his head. "He failed graduation, but Iruka says he is ready to be a Genin," the Sarutobi pointed out as he pulled a pipe out and stuffed it. Pai blushed at the action as she always thought he looked so masculine when smoking his pipe.

"We'll place him on a special squad, one reserved for the best, worst and middle students of the year, handled by the best ranking Jounin Elite available."

Pai gave an excited squeal and clapped her hands before jumping into Hiruzen's arms. "My Naruto-kun is gonna be a ninja then?!"

'Oi... Calm down, Pai,' Parvati chided internally.

'Don't forget you promised to teach him Sanjiyan magic if he failed!' Pai pointed out merrily.

Parvati gave the mental equivalent of an owlish blink. 'Bu-' she tried to reason.

'You promised! You promised! You promised!'

Parvati could only groan in annoyance and accept her own pledge...

***line break***

Parvati smiled with a mother's love as she took in the energetic way Naruto was bouncing about. He was telling her all about his first day as a Genin and how he had nearly gotten a bell from Kakashi Hatake, his new Jounin instructor.

Of course she was a bit put off as Naruto was still tied to a wooden post while telling her these things.

"Ufufu Naruto-kun is that why you didn't want breakfast this morning?" Parvati asked in amusement.

Naruto nodded exuberantly with a wide grin. "Yeah! Kakashi-sensei warned us how tough today would be, but we still passed!"

"Can I untie you now, or would you rather stick around a bit longer?" Parvati asked as her right hand began to glow and she formed the handseal for demon.

Naruto gaped like a fish when the rope changed from twine into a massive worm with googly eyes. It smiled at Naruto with a set of savage teeth before releasing him.

"Whoa! That was totally awesome!" he crowd while pumping a fist into the air. "Am I gonna learn how to do that?!"

Parvati softly laughed while nodding. "Before you get to that kind of training, I'll need to teach you all about the basics of Sanjiyan magic," she began.

Naruto grinned openly and sat with his legs folded under him, ready to learn and hoping his mother wouldn't be as boring as Iruka-sensei always was.

"The basic principle of all Sanjiyan magic is centered on the third eye. Without it, you'd just be limited to beast magic or species related attacks since each type of demon is more suited for a particular style of attack," she pointed out as four creatures appeared in a bright burst of light.

The first looked like a house-sized tadpole with the entire front end being a gaping maw with seven foot sharp teeth and an eyeball in his mouth. He was called Fei-Oh.

The second was a little redheaded girl wearing a cute blue bless and simple silver ring shaped earrings, bare feet and pointy ears, otherwise Naruto would have thought her a local girl. She was a Hong-Nyang, a demon that transforms into a two meter tall woman with four arms, each of these arms equipped with razor sharp claws. And rounding her off was a massive ratlike tail, her race was among a handful of demons that were capable of using chakra.

The third was a one-legged bird with a man's head, sharp fangs and wild spiky hair just to prove it was a demon. This was called a Takuhi. Like the Fei-Oh, he could change in size depending on the amount of energy put into summoning him.

Finally the fourth one wasn't actually a demon, in fact it was Anko who was looking around in confusion at her new location. "Um, what's all this about? I was just gonna get Asuma into a Gothic Lolita dress," she complained.

Naruto was already quite familiar with the gathered group of monsters and Anko. So he was waiting on the point of summoning the four.

Parvati sent Anko a look which made the woman fall back a step. "Uh, not that it really matters what I was doing," Ukyo amended turning to pick up Hong-Nyang. "Who's the best ninja ever?" she cooed at the small girl.

Parvati took Naruto's attention with a light cough. "What you - much less the rest of this village – are not aware of is that Anko is more than just Pai's friend. She's _my_ first human friend. For that and the suffering she went through after Orochimaru abandoned her, I've altered her into a demon as well. She's a Shunkai(2). By all appearances they look human, but have much longer lives and heal faster."

Anko grinned and nodded while offering a victory sign. "Yup! That means I'll still be young and pretty when you get old enough rock my socks off, brat!"

Naruto blinked as he looked the older ninja over with a question in his mind. "But you don't wear socks," he remarked aloud while filing the phrase away. He would have to ask Shikamaru about it later. "Anyway, why are you telling me things I already know?"

Parvati grinned widely as she pointed to Anko. "Mostly because I had a dirty idea that Anko would spend a year pondering about," she informed as a cone of blue light illuminated the ninja, Hong-Nyang leaping away from the area. A whitish blob seeped from Anko's chest and floated through the cone into the third eye.

"Huh?" Anko noised as she began patting herself animatedly trying to see what had happened. All the gathered demons were watching Anko with sparkly eyes as if they were privy to a secret.

Parvati took a seat on the platform of the Memorial Stone and crossed her legs demurely. "It's under your head protector," she noted while pointing.

Anko ripped the hitae-ite away and used its surface as a mirror to see her forehead. She was forced to brush aside the locks of her fringe but came across an ancient Chinese character.

"'Wu'? That's empty, right?" Naruto asked. "The first technique you're teaching me is how to write nonsense on people's foreheads?"

"Ufufu," Parvati giggled at the vulpine expression Naruto's face had taken. "I'm not teaching you that one yet. You've got to learn how create your third eye first. While it's rare, I have heard of humans doing so in the past," she pointed out with an ease.

Naruto frowned while Anko continued to wipe at her forehead. "Open my third eye? But I only have two, Okaachan!"

"It'll grow in when you're ready. Until you have a third eye I won't teach you any magic," she offered sweetly. Seeing Naruto's upset face broke her heart into a million pieces and she moved to wrap the blonde boy in her arms. "Don't fret, I'll help you every step of the way," she promised.

Anko growled as she scrubbed extra hard. "You better not be calling me empty headed!"

OoOoOoOoO

AN:

Well, this is just an idea I've had. I've written a dozen concepts of Sazan Eyes and Naruto but this one feels right. To keep the story flowing I'm not going to walk through every step of Naruto's journey, only the ones I feel are relevant to his progress in Sanjiyan magic and plot.

(1) Cross-dressing and flower arrangement sound similar Japanese.

(2) Shunkai is literally translated as Swift Demon. Aside the fact they look human and can use demonic energy as well as retain their youthful beauty for a long period, I can't say too much about it.

SSTR87


End file.
